Making Space Versus Belonging

This is in response to the naive feel good article put out by Desiring God on MLK Day last week:
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/is-dr-king-coming-to-dinner

There is a difference between making a space at the table for dinner versus long term belonging. I am adopted, I know how this feels. Your physical space at the table and food on your plate are entirely different from actually belonging. The process of belonging is long and hard and endeavors to make an irrevocable change. There is a back and forth between the family creating a role and the newcomer becoming the person that fills that role. You have to be truly wanted AND needed in a particular way, and then want to become that person. This is what we are ethnically attempting as a nation, which is a far larger task then simply having someone over to dinner. A rough analogy I would give is that hosting the Olympics are like having people over to dinner, while immigration and ethnic assimilation are like adoption. Behind poster child adoptions there is a whole spectrum of  disappointment. Many adoptions today start something like slavery did, taking in a child for the monetary benefits. I wonder if blacks visiting Africa feel the way I do visiting my biological family, that despite the repellant dysfunction there is a magnetic attraction of a sense of belonging.

I was adopted as a young boy in the fourth grade by an older couple with empty nest syndrome. Despite my biological families issues, I was adored as both a firstborn only child and at the same time the youngest to my two cousins, as we were all being raised by our grandparents. To them, I was the golden boy. In my adopted family, I was a middle child between their adult children in their mid 30's and two babies they just adopted. Something like the young energetic dog my adopted parents just got and now despise, I was meant to add meaning to their life but I ended up just getting in the way, and they were stuck with me. There was a space for me at the table, but I stood out like an extra sore thumb that didn't belong. My stomach was filled at night (although they did limit my eating rather strictly) but I went to bed feeling very empty. We know how to say the right things at church and in public to give the appearance of a strong family, but to this day our bonds are very weak.

I see this now in Florida with the Hispanic population. Immigrants are allowed to come and space made for them with good intentions, but no purpose. Gratitude quickly shifts to attitude as many ambitious & enterprising people took hold of the many programs and opportunities available to them and quickly bettered themselves. White flight from South Florida, especially Miami, tells the story. People aren't satisfied with just having a spot at the table. I certainly wasn't, and could only focus on gratitude for so long. My attempts at self actualization within the family always failed, because I didn't truly belong or have a role that they needed or wanted me to play. The more I strived to be a good son, an excellent student, and successful young man, the more my adopted family pushed me away. I was taking up too much space. The opposite is happening with Hispanics, there is nowhere to push them away, so instead the whites are leaving. They didn't "belong" in Miami, so they took it for themselves, with their culture and their language. It's only natural.